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with special treat:  Fan Art (FArt) by Ian! “Do not look up.  This is a robbery.  Put everything you’ve got into an empty Fritos bag

Real text transcript between Pete and his brother: Brother: You got a letter from the IRS.  Maybe you won their sweepstakes.  Doesn’t look like a

As you might expect, someone in my position comes across some real shit books.  And I’m not just talking about the ones where a train

Dear Christians, I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately.  I was in a coffee shop the other day and there was a bizarre homeless

Well, you’ve really done it, honey company. Can I ask a quick question?  Why is this bear goddamn wall-eyed?  Am I supposed to think he’s

One morning I got a call at seven asking me to come in.             I said sure.             When I woke up all the way

There’s a picture somewhere in my mom’s house that shows me standing in a black McDonald’s uniform.  Well, mostly black.  The hat was maroon.  But

Inappropraite Ways to Describe How You Like Your Coffee: . . I like my coffee like I like my boys who whistled at a white

Most of you probably remember the motion picture Beetlejuice.  If you don’t, get in your car and drive straight through your garage.  Fixing the door

  Those of you who are local may have noticed that our Hollywood Videos are closed.  This is sad because I missed my opportunity to

  The Giving Tree:  the story of a tree and this greedy son of a bitch who loves(?) her. The BFG -or- Big Things Are

Today, we at Helpful Snowman are proud to present our first ever contest! Today’s contest is somewhat of a guessing game, somewhat of a way

“Which character from Herman’s Head lives inside your head?” “How many years will you live after the beginning of your real sorrows?” “Which Insane Clown

Whoops!  No New Content Today! But seriously, have you checked out anything on the Fiction page?

This is how every goddamn how-to-draw book works: 1. Start out with balls. Not those kind of balls. You have to start with body balls,

  “TTYL; TTFN; L8R, G8R (series), by Lauren Myracle Reasons: Nudity, Sexually Explicit, Offensive Language, Unsuited to Age Group, Drugs I don’t mean to be

Dear Publisher, I received your original design for the Rilke book. Just made a few mockups while still keeping the original design fresh in my

I just wanted to share a couple of things from some Star Wars comics that I find totally inappropriate.  If this is too nerdy for

-Stick to cardboard.  The black on brown really screams, I’m not having money! -Font is key.  The straighter and neater your letters are, the less

To get to the other side.

Dear People Who Own Places, I just want to say what a great job you are doing running things over where you are.  The walls

1.  Name 2. Circle the name of person who was biggest the dick in high school:       Kyle       Greg 3.  Write in the name of a

Can I just point out a few things that I hope would come up before this?  How can this be searched so often that it

1.  Leave work at library. 2.  Drive downtown. 3.  Suddenly need to shit. 4.  As urgency increases drastically, elect to stop at bowling alley. 5. 

-Why did you make me draw the Amazon river when I don’t even know where Korea is? -How come I can figure the area under

Question 1: Do you prefer music that is: A.) Classical in the over-exciting, grating way B.) 80’s Keyboard Heavy C.) Depressing in that you remember

Dear the Internet, First, thank you for the wide selection of pornography.  It is wonderful, and it makes me feel very fortunate when I think

-Eatability -Presence in my stomach -Filled with money?