Questions I Have for My Former Teachers

-Why did you make me draw the Amazon river when I don’t even know where Korea is?

-How come I can figure the area under a curve using a series of trapezoids but nobody told me how to write a check?

-What was the purpose of the visitor Mr. Chocolate who warned me against joing gangs that would never have me, and said that instead I, like him, should go to Harvard, a place that also would not have me?

-Why would you not prep or train me in any way and then force me to run a mile as fast as possible?

-Was watching my middle school principle ride a horse around the playground on “Mustang Day” supposed to be something other than the most bizarre experience of my life?

-Did you find it at all irresponsible to let me choose nachos as a lunch for two years in a row?

-Even after training me to do CPR, wouldn’t you fight me away with whatever strength you had if you collapsed in class and I initiated some kind of medical procedure?

-Are you aware that the turkey centerpiece made from a paper bag is something that my mom has kept for nearly twenty years running at this point?