The Worst President
July 29, 2013
Wait, wait, wait. Who is this guy? This guy, right here Which president, exactly, is that supposed to be? Because my memory of history sucks.
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Wait, wait, wait. Who is this guy? This guy, right here Which president, exactly, is that supposed to be? Because my memory of history sucks.
The Usual: Guy rides skateboard towards railing, messes up, smashes entire penis and balls on railing. The New: Guy rides skateboard towards railing, nails the
Gentlemen, welcome to the war room. Let’s take a look at the model. Uh…we don’t have any models. What? Guys, what the fuck? Well, it’s
Hi, hey there. I, uh, I couldn’t help but notice you’re carrying a notebook there. That’s really great. Notebooks are a great thing to be
Hi, welcome to the Cheesecake Factory. Have you ever been here before? Uh, no. Great! Okay, first things first, we are not any kind of
My dream of pulling off pajama jeans is officially dead. In. The. Grave. This is not because I failed to stick to the Bodacious Booty
Thanks to Kristina for this. So here’s a little bottle of drops to treat fish water. You know, for your aquarium. Oh, and just in
How often does everyone else hit this aisle of the store and think, “Fuck it. I can make a lunch out of this”? Because for
Hi, I’m Pete, and today I’m going to be your guide to this wonderful palace of artistic treasures! C’mon, art awaits! Follow me! We’re going
The other day I saw this lady smoking outside the Michael’s craft store and it got me to thinking, again, that smoking might be the
Dear Denver Sheraton, I’ve gotten an email every 3 or 4 days since staying at your goddamn hotel for one goddamn night asking me to
“We’re going to be hunting the deadliest prey. MAN!” “Oh. Okay. I see what you’re getting at. But…I have kind of a question.” “Go on.”
I’ve been toying with the idea of being an assassin for a long time. Even before I could laugh because that word has ASS in
Q: Do they make special “Leanin’ Shovels”? I only ask because I see a lot of really professional leanin’ happening on shovels. I know that
Welcome back to the pool! We are so excited for you to be here and eat chicken fingers all over the fucking place. Ah, summer!
So here I am, trying to buy a hat with a brim to go rafting. Because that’s who I’ve become, a man who not only
Dear Grandma, Mom said I had to write this letter to thank you for buying me the Dennis Nedry figure from the Jurassic Park movie.
“Did someone tell the Tampa Bay Rays that they could pick people based on baseball skills and that they didn’t have to just pick dudes
Come in, come in! Welcome. Juuuuuust gonna need to see some ID. Okay, great! Here’s a key to my apartment. I’m just going to slip
You found it! You did it! Rejoice! Also, for a prize, first 5 ppl to tell me which of the monster cereals is their favorite