Category: Blog

I accidentally discovered one of the underrated differences between people who are attractive and people who are not. I assume that attractive people, when someone

SITCOM APARTMENTS- giant, hardwood floors, vintage decorations, Manhattan. REAL APARTMENTS- ceilings low enough that the shortest of men dread entering, carpet spilled on enough that

NEVER STOP BELIEVING TRY TO BELIEVE UNTIL AT LEAST 4 PM SHOOT FOR BELIEF THROUGH THE LUNCH HOUR AT LEAST READ THE SIGN ALOUD READ

Ah, the AC/DC pinball machine.   This is a really pleasant sight that you can stare down upon while playing for hours on end.   Pleasant, fun,

ON THE AIRPLANE Okay.  Let’s just see who’s sitting next to me…ah, perfect.  A middle-aged lady who has an uncanny resemblance to my mom.  That’s

What An Algorithm Is: A formula or set of steps for solving a particular problem. What An Algorithm Is In Movies: A weird magic thing

Most dads would be proud to have three ninja sons who foiled an international plot of evil.  Most dads would be over the moon.  Way

It’s October.  The time of year when I feel a certain love is in the air. Mainly, the love of going to the pumpkin patch

Came across some pretty incredible opportunities in some old comic books.  Truly, times were much better.  How prosperous we must have been AS A NATION. 

Not so long ago I was in a thrift store, and peeking out from a shelf I saw a box for a Marvel Comics action

many people know Dr. Light as the kindly scientist with the Santa-like appearance who created Mega Man, a fighting robot meant to defeat the evil

Someone at work asked about my iPod the other day.  Not one of those questions about where I got the sweet case or what kind

Um, before we get started, I just thought you should know that I might be a little greasy.  I was kind of making some bacon

Where would we be without this company and its informative stamps? Singlewall?  Confirmed. Edge Crush Test: 32 LBS/IN Meets Freight Classifications:  You bet your dick!

-Change the name of your drink.   Because it sounds like a drink that is for helping you shit.  Some name suggestions include every word made

So, just realized how the image from this post and yesterday’s looks like the number 700 written in cum. I’m not sure if anyone else

Good Evening. I wanted to take a break from talking about pee-pees and wee-wees to talk about something that means a lot to me:  Our

Sadly, I did not make it to the Renaissance Fair this year.  I missed a lot.  So what I decided to do is create my

Howdy, I had a couple of questions, a couple things to add, and just some general sunshine-y shit to throw in here. Bidness First: Some

“Pete, we’ve had a murder in town, I’m afraid.” “Crap.  Are you kidding me?  Didn’t we just have a murder?” “‘Bout two weeks ago, I

Cracked the code and created this helpful equation. Let’s assume that N represents the number of stickers and tags that you pull off the suit

Ritz Crackers Delicious, golden-brown, each individual cracker is like stepping into a fancy hotel room.  It’s familiar, prefectly-appointed, yet feels just a little bit like

A few weeks ago the gym I visit was closed in order to clean the pools and do some other shit.  Which should be comforting

Expectation: Breaking a board in half with a karate chop. Reality: Sitting on the floor and listening to how it’s important to not karate people.

Friends of this web site will remember a radio show a couple weeks back where I spoke about a Starbucks incident. In Brief: Men’s room

We got one of these at my work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m into it.  Anything that feeds coffee into my body is a plus. 

A lot of people ask me about the tips for peeing in the car.  Because I do it a lot, and usually I only get

Day 1: It’s a great day for watching birds. I assume. Is there such thing as a bad day for watching birds? Well. Maybe a

-Whew!- That was something, huh?  Eight seconds of passion plus about two minutes where nobody watching would be able to tell if anything was still

For those of you who follow my career closely (exactly no one) you already know that I have somewhat of an interest in the topic 

After spending several years with these close, close friends, it was time to let them go.  Pass them on. I pulled them down from the

Some intrepid soul decided to write the date on this urinal pad. Is that what these things are called?  Urinal pads?  Urinal…nets? For those who

See that guy?  Every time he’s bluffing, he puts his hand on his penis and strokes it to completion in his pants. Him over there? 

-At one point the protagonist defecates for what seems like 40 minutes of screen time, after which he tells everyone about it and describes in

-The 1980’s Boston Celtics. -Various techniques for winning racquetball (should be noted that there is NO racquetball at this particular gym). -How raking with a

Wearing Number 1: Post-wedding.  Like they were intended. Wearing Number 2: Accidentally packed in during honeymoon.  Couple gets a nice laugh out of it. Wearing

So I spent a bit of time walking around Target.  AND I saw SOME SHIT! Am I the only one who sees this weird brick

How should we package our gum? How about two pieces in a tiny box that ABSOLUTELY CANNOT be reclosed? How about, like, 5 saran wrapped

Sir, do you have a minute to help save a child’s life? Hmm.  Yeah.  But I’m going to have to pass anyway.  Tell Jamal I’m

We all know how I feel about mommy blogs.  Right? Just in case: Not fun, not funny.  Just dumb. And then the other day I

Hi, I’m Pete.  When people see that I have adult braces, they ask me questions like “Nice braces, faggot!” or “Nice face fag-o!” Sometimes though

Have you ever wondered how people end up on this web site?   The terms they search that result in helpfulsnowman.com popping up?  Wonder no more. 

The world of Scrabble.  What a fascinating ride it would be.  It turns out, the only thing worse than Scrabble is people who are really

Hey man.  Come on in.  I’ll grab my keys and we’ll get going. Cool, cool.  So this is a nice…hey, what the fuck is that?

I sure hope so.  Because fuck off, you don’t really have a choice.  Go ahead, click something.  See?  See that?  See how I made everything

Alright everybody, settle down.  We’ve got these great powders with weird drugs in them.  They are approved in NO WAY.  In fact, we’re just sending