Archives

Introduction: A sketch without intro to make people unsure what they are watching.  At least idiots who think maybe there’s a presidential debate on a

After reading this totally awesome article about guard bears, I decided it’s time to re-examine my options in terms of guard animals. Guard Rhinos Advantage: 

Howdy, This is a non-post day. For me. This is a post day for you. Share helpfulsnowman.com with someone you love. Or someone you hate.

[note: the above image was selected because it is the first thing that pops up when you google image search “osama.”  The people have spoken.]

“Debt Consolidation is a Snap!” You have a shitload of debt.  You’ve probably listed multiple schools on your profile, or possibly just one art institute. 

For safety, the best place to harness someone is by a series of straps all along the crotch area.  Nothing says safety like Load-Bearing Crotch

Deaf Cruise the cruise attended by only deaf mute people.  And me. Omega Man Cruise the cruise where everything is done for you while you

Curious George Goes to the Rendering Plant Curious George Goes to the Infectious Disease Laboratory Where They Are Working on “Rage Virus” Curious George Goes

Dear Lisa Loeb, First of all, I’d like to apologize for not applying to be on your dating show in 2006 when it aired.  Nobody

Okay, brief history. For those who have never seen Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, this might be a waste of your time.  For people who have

Not only do we grow these things for the pure amusement of watching their brief lives snuffed out in mere moments, faster than a goddamn

I have one thing to say to you: Oh yeah? In the time it took me to come up with that first thing I’ve also

Snowman! Can you help me find the OFFICAL “Duh, Winning” Charlie Sheen t-shirt? What is the brand? Do they fit small/average/large? thanks :):):) AMS:):):)   Dear

Hey Snowman, Resume help for local pool store? I’m trying to get a job at a local leslies pool store, I found out I have

Dear Snowman, When do babies start learning? when do babies start learning words? my cousin told me around 10 months that they can actually comprehend

Mr. Snowman Sir, Have you ever drank the wine “arizona stronghold”? was it good? how much did it cost? where did you purchase it also?

Dear Snow, Why do us guys like looking at breast? I’m a guy and like all guys I like looking as breast but I’ve never

After such a successful first day helping out, how could I not do a second? Dear Helpful, Why is it that whenever I do something

Readers, It’s been a tough couple weeks around here.  But when things get bad, the best thing you can do is give back and wait

What comes between K and Double-S? I do! ~ You’re a fire I’ve got heartburn. ~ Turn on the lawnmower so we can loud fuck

Desire by the writers to fill in the underdeveloped character of the idiot who was stuck on the roof, who was by far the most

Wow, are you flossing twice a day or something? How do you keep your teeth so white? Would you say you brush, on average, twice

Softball  Pro:  Opportunity to legitimately purchase a nice pouch of Big League Chew.  Con:  Going through some bizarre, vaguely satanic ritual to break in a

Because they are coming out with a whole new slew of comic book movies, instead of answering nerd questions one by one in person, I’ll

1.  Science, you have one year to make som kind of significant progress on breast cancer.  I can’t stand these terrible fun runs, parades, and

“I just don’t think it’s right that I buy this nice, big cooler and now I have to deface it with permanent marker all over

1.  Do the teams have home and away jerseys? 2.  If so, are they not two jerseys but one reversible jersey that players often end

Baseball Real Life: Lots of standing around, very humiliating pants. However, hot dogs are often present. Video Game:Smaller physical toll, however the game lacks the

Your best bet is to put all your time and effort into someone who seems like the worst possible match for you and makes you

1.  Bald patch on my left thigh from sitting the laptop on my lap and having the extreme battery heat absorbed into my leg. 2. 

The Princess Bride Summary:  Some kid is a real asshole to his grandpa, to the grandpa tells the kid a story that involves a very

9:  Fine. 8:  Maybe a little rough getting started, but nothing serious. 7:  Stringy.  Smell and shape reminiscent of brown Funyuns. 6:  Lots of effort

Well, it looks like our branch of the robotic cop project has found its endpoint.  But we still need to find a home for this

Can I ask a question? When people have those funeral parades, the ones where a humongous line of cars drives five miles an hour, is

Age 5: Sticky, orange popsicle stick. Note that says:  “Hope the fewcherr is great, sucker!” Age 10: Mini Lucky Charms box, marshmallow pieces missing. Several

Cynthia taking a bath in nylons Umm…I can’t help but expose my lack of knowledge when it comes to nylons, but that seems like a

By clicking the box below, you agree to all the stuff in here.  Even the stuff that doesn’t make sense to you, making it very

“Comes with all shots, leash, collar, kennel, toys, and lots of love to give!” Wow.  So you’ve already invested $20 bucks?  Remember that one asshole

Umbrella Pre-Update:  Push button, umbrella opens.  Also closes, keeps rain off head. Post-Update:  Push button, nothing happens for a really long time.  Push button a

1960 “Alright, we have a basketball team set:  The Denver Broncos.  What should we pick as the team colors?” “How about really shitty orange?  That

As if these things hadn’t gotten bad enough. Here’s a message I got when I tried to input a code: Really?  REALLY!? For those of

I hate when people from out of state ask where you’re from.  Here’s how it goes every single time: Where are you from? Windsor, Colorado.

If this turns out good, I’m getting it blown up huge in case I die in the next couple years and need a big picture

Vanilla Bean This smellsouous candle brings out the warmth in even the coldest of rooms.  Even if you live in a small apartment mostly underground,

What They Say: “Would you like to make an appointment to donate blood?” What I Hear: “How about you bring your selfish ass over here

Those kids in those pictures, they aren’t ALL yours, are they? Which hair products do you think I should buy, the ones you sell here