I’ve taken a handful of Litreactor classes over the years. Totally worth it. You get more individual attention and feedback than you would in a writing program, no exaggeration. They make great gifts, too. Put them on your wishlist. No supply chain issues! If you’re new to writing, awesome way to get going. If you’ve been at it for awhile, you’ll learn something, whether it’s from critiques of your work or seeing what’s going on in the work of others.
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Podoween 2021 ep 26
Grasshopper plague and the best horror movie never made.
The opening of my paranormal detective novel, Ghost Dick.
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Nic knows. From my latest at @litreactor
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Podoween 2021 ep 23
A ghost or a forgetful lady and a crew too lazy to pick up a hammer?
Podoween 2021 ep 21
The lynching of a guy who…was kinda asking for it. A charming detail I forgot to include here, when the masked men went to get
Podoween 2021 ep 20
Aaaand either a ghost or forgetful, incorrect person on Facebook. You be the judge.
Podoween 2021 ep 17
The murderer next door. Well, across the street. Whatever. Close enough.
Podoween 2021 ep 15
La Llorona and the legend of the attractive woman ghost.
Podoween 2021 ep 14
Fort Latham. And its twice-moved cemetery. It’s like you guys WANT to start a curse.
Podoween 2021 ep 13
A second Crossing. Cross me again and you’ll regret it!
How much do you want to know about #candyman? I’ve got that plus more, PLUS my hot take on the new movie. Today at @litreactor
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Have we reached peak spooky movies not even coming up with a new name? Or are viewers really so dumb that they won’t know a movie is a Scream movie unless it’s called Scream?
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When the golf tournament where you play golf once a year moves to October.
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Ghost Plants Meth
Just because we didn’t get to everything Podoween this year, some bonus: A man in the area claimed, when police responded to his call claiming
Podoween 2021 ep 05
A good rule to live by: The Helpful Snowman Teenager Rule
For a limited time, buy My Mother’s Silver Bowl by yours truly and after buying, read it for free. This incredible offer is only available during October, spooky season, so I’d jump on it now.
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Vampire grave? Someone seems to think so.
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Posted @withregram • @litreactor Today on 🔥LitReactor🔥: The return of Unprintable! With new host, @robbolson .
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Posted @withregram • @litreactor Can’t believe it’s been 10 years. Let’s celebrate!
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A little podoween preview.
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Whoever ordered the Ghostbuster costumes for target did not know that you need a bunch of venkmans, a few zeddemores, a couple stantzs, and like 2 spanglers.
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The return of the pornupine. Today at Litreactor.
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In our last podcast, we went through this book that uses a clumsy metaphor and an elephant named Kevin to send an anti-trans message. Politics aside, the story is pretty nonsensical and the drawings are BORING. listen for full review. Helpfulsnowman.com
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Just found out that “Willow” Tolkien was a full inch shorter than me. It feels good to be objectively a better person than him and I will take this victory with zero class or dignity.
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Helpful Snowman Radio ep 474
We explore a conservative children’s book that explains the pros and cons of the ability to pee out a fire with your boy parts.
I’m very proud of my attempt to make libraries metal over at Litreactor today.
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On the right is Pete 2019. On the left is Pete 2021.
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We’ve seen a lot of weird book news in the last decade. Some asshole demolished Ray Bradbury’s house. Some asshole murdered his business partners and then wrote a children’s book about saving the environment. Some asshole closed a famous bookshop after some other assholes ran it into the ground. Some assholes were reading topless to prove a point about…freedom? Another asshole train wrecked a Chuck Tingle dating sim, though I’m not sure who to pin it on. Read about 10 years of assholes over at Litreactor.
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Wise words about a very unwise book: The Heist-est Heist Ever Heisted. By me. I’m PeteR.
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Every day I have a column up at Litreactor is scary clown day.
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Thoughts of the Week
The lower your apartment is into the earth, the nicer it sounds. “Garden level” for example means, “Your apartment is planted in the ground, like
Totally unrelated to this story, I make a little coin from writing here and there and appreciate the support in these truly trying times. Helpfulsnowman.com
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I can’t decide if it’s funnier that this person shares a goodreads account with her husband, like the way some people share emails, or that she gives the story a star rating, then repeats the star rating, in text, at the end of the review.
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Today at Litreactor we talk about prepping for an author interview so you might actually sell a damn book!
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This Week’s Thoughts
I figured I’d do it this way instead of on Twitter because Twitter can go eat a dick. Please feel free to copy and paste
Just in case you consider celebrity advice legit, here’s a list of ALL the celebrities who have a PhD or higher. Of all the celebs who have the money and time to get it done, 17 have elected to go this route.
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Some solid advice on goodreads. Still available at Litreactor.com. ⠀ ⠀ https://buff.ly/3CdkGvR
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Today on @litreactor I look at the good(reads), the bad, and the ugly.
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Helpful Snowman Radio Ep 472
Clowns clownin’ around. If you correctly guess the fake clown, I will send you a Helpful Snowman No-Prize!
New offer: if you will consider getting a vaccine (and haven’t already gotten one) I will do a full-length podcast on a topic of your choosing. Any topic. You can ask for a topic and hear the result before you get your vaccine. Contact me in any way on any platform and make your request. I’ll do a full hour blowing your small business, discussing minutiae of something I do not understand, telling everyone about how great your self published book is, whatever.
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I’m just a simple fella. But might I humbly suggest that next time we roll back restrictions based on vaccine numbers? That incentivizes people to get vaccinated. “It’s your choice whether or not to get it, and it’s also your choice whether you want concert tickets to cost twice as much because the venue is half capacity.” This also encourages people to talk to their friends and family and convince them to take care of business.
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Um. Not exactly, autocorrect. Not…not even very close.
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If you haven’t already gotten a vaccine and get one, I will send you ANY of my books for free. 100% free. I’ll ship print or ebook to you if you’re in the US, ebook for internationals. Also, if you convince someone else to get one who hasn’t gotten one already, I’ll send you a book, 100% free. You just have to prove that you got it after today (7/29) and send me the details I need to fill your body with “Literature.”
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Things Casual Readers Don’t Care About
Deep Discussions of Canon You know that friend who’s really into bourbon? To an obnoxious degree? They talk about the grains and shit? They compare
Today at @litreactor: “another fantastic article” by yours truly.
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Writing/Creating Tip: it’s okay to be super pumped about your own work. But…don’t tell everyone that your brilliance gave you goosebumps.
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Peter the Great is a ballcap, Yeti cooler, and ironic America tshirt away from being every asshole right now.
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That’s right. ALL the Russias.
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Next time someone talks up their Twitter followers I’ll inform them that George Harrison, who died 5 years before Twitter was created, has more followers for his estate than they do for their passions.
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Funny story: about two months ago I got an email from a library I applied to…coming up on three years ago. Just in case you all were wondering how well libraries pay and who besides McDonald’s is getting desperate.
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Devil’s Advocate
A bit back I wrote a column about Kindle Vella, a new thing from Amazin! That’s what I call it. I think it’s Amazin! Mostly
Helpful Snowman Radio Ep 470
It’s been a minute! We got beers. 6 hours away. Also, the return of Poonie and the first TSwift Minute.
It took a virtual mailing address, a six-hour drive that touched 3 states, a last-minute car switch, recovery from a hamstring injury (that kept me from sitting for more than 10 minutes at a stretch), but WE DID IT. We got that #4colordemons @rubsam_horrmann beer. @bqquinn @tesdtown #tesd #4colordemons #4colors4life #antcolony #qsbrewz
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If you tell me you read Stephen Hawking, I’m out! Learn why at Litreactor.com
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Stunning proof that time travel is real! Because the only way this happens is someone traveling back to the late 40’s when people would actually green light ideas like parachuting beavers into the backcountry.
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Hypothetical #3 A mission to Mars is planned. The details are arranged, and everyone is pleased with the progress and likelihood of success. Your job is to select the person who will be the first human to step on the surface of Mars. You are told there are candidates 1, 2, and 3. You are told almost no demographic information about the candidates. They are of qualifications so similar that you are unable to distinguish one as a clear front runner based on merit. None of them have committed any crimes and all of them are in excellent HR standing and have no complaints against them after extensive interviewing of their coworkers, friends and colleagues. To make your decision, you are permitted to ask all 3 a set of three questions. What do you ask, keeping in mind that you must ask all 3 candidates identical questions, and you cannot ask them any demographic questions (race, gender, etc.) or questions designed to discover demographic information. If you attempt to discover demographic information, or if it’s revealed to you through your questions, those candidates will be removed from the running and a new set will be considered.
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I suppose designing for anyone who’s had a craniotomy on the left side of their head is narrowcasting a bit. But who said I had broad appeal?
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Dad joke level: expert.
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You might be wondering what the hell happened to my eyebrows.
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