Archives

“Halloweentown”

“The funniest thing about the Halloweentown franchise is reading reviews of the reboot which had a different cast: People are PISSED. This is like beyond

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“Annabelle”

“I don’t think Annabelle knows what kind of movie it is. Could’ve gone more serious-er and creepy, OR could’ve got wackier and more over-the-top, but

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“Harley & Katya”

“I like sports docs quite a bit, and this one…well, there is some great footage, there are a couple interesting angles, but the end sort

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“Jigsaw”

“Alright, I’m through the first 8, ready for part 10. Part 9 being Spiral, which, No. It turns out I HAD seen all 8 parts.

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“Saw 3D”

“This one has a GREAT setup: a dude who is claiming to have survived a Jigsaw trap in order to cash-in on the true crime

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“Kuffs”

“1992 Christian Slater doing Zack Morris as a private security guy pulling a Taken revenge kind of thing should totally work. It kinda works. “

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“Midsommar”

“Chris Hemsworth takes his girlfriend to a music festival featuring Florence and the Machine as well as a brief set by Orville Peck. They should

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“I See You”

“Twisty and kind of fun, although I wish the POV switch didn’t make you watch the entirety of the first 30 minutes twice ALL THE

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“They Came Together”

“Um: “Since 2014, Rudd and fellow actor Jeffrey Dean Morgan have been co-owners of Samuel’s Sweet Shop, a candy store in Rhinebeck, New York that

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“Coherence”

“A normal dinner party becomes awesome. 10 out of 10, I wish every dinner party could be this interesting. So maybe you’ve destroyed the fabric

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“Saw VI”

“By this point, the most tortured thing in Saw is the timeline. Though this movie has some fun elements, it can’t stand on its own,

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“Saw V”

“This is a very weird turn for the series.  On one hand, the Jigsaw portion is pretty solid. The lesson to be learned is actually

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“[REC]”

“Wish I’d seen it in ˜07 because it does suffer a bit from existing in the post-found-footage pile.  Found footage seemed like a great thing

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“Saw IV”

“Saw 3 kind of pulled off its retcon of Saw history in a pretty unexpected way that kind of makes sense, and then Saw 4

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“Saw III”

“This one is off the rails, but in a good way. I think this one probably best balances the franchise’s desire to trace everything all

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“Rubber”

“This one felt to me…like a movie that was made for people to write stuff about it. Which is fine, but at the same time,

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“Saw II”

“Well, it’s early August, which means spooky movies are on rotation in my house, baby! I’m going for it, a Saw Watch 2023. Now, I

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“Clerks III”

“I’m a Kevin Smith Stan, so know that. I’ll make a light critique first: The movie hits its emotional high late in the game. Dante’s

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“Alien³”

“I’ve bumped this up a star, but I get why I never dug this one: It feels like Roger Corman’s Alien. Let’s do this in

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“Day of the Dead”

“It’s a goodie, not my favorite of the trilogy, let’s be honest, Dawn is the best, anyone who says otherwise is just trying to be

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“Last Action Hero”

“While watching this with my partner, Poonmaster Flex (her anonymity-maintaining online nickname), Flex commented that she kind of loved this because nobody makes movies like

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“M3GAN”

“First of all, thanks to this movie for having the courage of its convictions and not returning a result on letterboxd when I type “Megan,”

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“I Am Mother”

“TELL YOUR CHILDREN NOT TO WALK MY WAY. Well, the About box on google spoils this movie within ONE SENTENCE, which is pretty efficient, 10/10,

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“Hackers”

“Hackers: Better as a memory than a movie. Before I rewatched this, it was like a 3-star, maybe 2 of which were for irony. It

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“Barbarian”

“I think this movie is made more interesting if the facts about Justin Long’s character are not confirmed in the bar scene. If there’s ambiguity

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“Hotel Transylvania”

“I’ve now watched two things with Selena Gomez in it. Only Murders in the Building, in which her character is named “Mabel.” Hotel Transylvania, in

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“Stake Land”

“Very solid apocalyptic/vampire movie. It doesn’t bring a whole lot that’s new to the genre, BUT I’m seeing it…13 years after it came out, so

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“The Good Nurse”

“There’s nothing bad about the movie, the problem is that the movie has a description. From the description, you not only get the gist, you

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“The Babadook”

“I don’t know what it is, but I’m just not feeling the lady falling apart maybe because life is hard and maybe because the supernatural

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“Jeepers Creepers”

“Weird how this one works.  There’s a psychic who pops in to explain everything, but then she doesn’t really explain anything. There’s a monster reveal,

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“American Factory”

“It’s a political movie, and I have no problem with that, however, I think the trailer and other things sell the movie on the idea

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“I Care a Lot”

“I’m all for a movie where there are no sympathetic characters, and I Care A Lot goes out of its way to clear the board

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“Smile”

“*referee whistle* Looks like a call of too many it was just a dream moments on Smile with no indication or way for viewers to

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“Jackass Forever”

“One day I’m going to write a story about a 69 year-old Johnny Knoxville type planning and executing his final stunt, which will surely kill

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“The Black Phone”

“Solid horror flick, and it’s got just enough supernatural stuff without going too deep, plus, and this is huge, the supernatural elements aren’t overly explained.

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“Worth”

“You know how you watch a movie like this, and it’s good, but it’s not like you’re cheering at the end?  Everyone’s great in it,

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“Nomadland”

“I liked this movie better when the main character was Randy the Ram.  But seriously, this is torture porn for the Oscar set.”

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“Bad Words”

“Little bit of a late entry into the “holy shit, that adult just told a kid to fuck off” genre, but I’m also the one

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“The Net”

“I’m suspicious that the Sandy Bullock bikini scene and the TWO futzing with beautiful hair scenes were added later once someone was like, “Eh, is

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“The Happening”

“Over the last couple years, we’ve decided to culturally reevaluate anything and everything. This may have started with reevaluating the place of pop music and

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“Home Alone”

“My favorite character is probably Chris Farley in the SNL parody where Macaulay throws him over a table. Nobody crushed a folding table like Farley. 

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“The Void”

“If the FPS Dusk were a movie. I suppose it’s not all that helpful to review something by comparing to a more obscure thing. But

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“The Visit”

“M. Night does a good job with these. His Hellevator movie (whatever that was called) was pretty good. If he’s got like a limited budget

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“Leprechaun 3”

“As part three of the 4-part Leprechaunathon for Halloween, this was the sag point in the series. It sounds awesome: The Leprechaun ends up in

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“Leprechaun 2”

“Leprechaun 2 has most of the charms of the first, just not quite as much. I guess there’s a little more lore or something, a

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“Leprechaun”

“This is an earlier work of an actor who would go on to be quite famous. I’m of course referring to Mark Holton, aka Francis

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“Dead & Buried”

“Maybe this one is a little more like a Twilight Zone episode, pulled out like taffy to stretch to full length, but that taffy still

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“The Mist”

“This is one of those “learn nothing about it, do not google it, just go watch it” movies. Just great stuff. A totally underrated Stephen

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“Panic Room”

“I’ve never felt so empty as I did after this movie showed me 1. I have nothing of value high enough that a panic room

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“Don’t Breathe”

“This might be a good political ad, kind of like the ones I’ve been seeing around here (Colorado) about legalizing hallucinogens. The ad is all

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“Wish Upon”

“Here’s a review I wrote for a library newsletter. Enjoy! Let’s say I told you that your library card is a wish-granting device. Not in

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“Us”

“Well… I have complicated, mixed feelings about this one. On one hand, like Get Out, I appreciated the movie that was a bonkers-as-hell horror flick.

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“Fair Game”

“The movie that answers the question: is it worse to cast supermodels or professional athletes?  The answer is complicated.  You want to watch a movie

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“Clue”

“This is an ex’s favorite movie, so I’m morally obligated to give it no more than 3 stars.”

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“Hocus Pocus”

“This movie, like The Goonies, is one I would like to go back in time and show myself when it came out. Because I don’t

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“Kedi”

“I’m a cat person, but… There’s this line from the description: “the most mysterious and beloved animal humans have ever known” This is why punctuation

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“Mean Girls”

“Just rewatched this last night. Let’s talk about the biggest holes in this movie, which aren’t very big. 1. Why is Lindsay Lohan introduced to

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“Creep”

“There’s a problem with this type of movie that’s not Creep’s to solve, but it remains unsolved: When I’m watching a movie called Creep about

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“Prospect”

“Starts with a great premise: What if the gold rush happened in space? And then it takes that question and says: “It’d be exactly the

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“A Quiet Place”

“You know what drives me nuts about this movie? “Women are so tough, she births a baby IN TOTAL SILENCE.” You all know this movie

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“Upgrade”

“Imagine you could maximize your brain’s potential. Why are people so into that? Wouldn’t, like, 5% more be pretty good? Also, maybe brains are like

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“Circle”

“I watched this while catsitting for a cat I truly loved. She passed away. Did her demise and this movie have any relation? Absolutely not.

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“The Expendables”

“Jason Statham plays a character named Lee Christmas. We’ve got Christmas Jones in James Bond. Lloyd Christmas in Dumb & Dumber. Using a name search

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“Predator 2”

“The Sega Genesis game was a B+. This is my system for rating movies that have been rated and viewed plenty already. At least I

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“Predators”

“In the theater, when Adrien Brody came out topless, there was a noticeable titter that rolled through the audience. The guy was ripped, but it

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