Archives

“Saw 3D”

“This one has a GREAT setup: a dude who is claiming to have survived a Jigsaw trap in order to cash-in on the true crime

Read More »

“Kuffs”

“1992 Christian Slater doing Zack Morris as a private security guy pulling a Taken revenge kind of thing should totally work. It kinda works. “

Read More »

“Midsommar”

“Chris Hemsworth takes his girlfriend to a music festival featuring Florence and the Machine as well as a brief set by Orville Peck. They should

Read More »

“I See You”

“Twisty and kind of fun, although I wish the POV switch didn’t make you watch the entirety of the first 30 minutes twice ALL THE

Read More »

“They Came Together”

“Um: “Since 2014, Rudd and fellow actor Jeffrey Dean Morgan have been co-owners of Samuel’s Sweet Shop, a candy store in Rhinebeck, New York that

Read More »

“Coherence”

“A normal dinner party becomes awesome. 10 out of 10, I wish every dinner party could be this interesting. So maybe you’ve destroyed the fabric

Read More »

“Saw VI”

“By this point, the most tortured thing in Saw is the timeline. Though this movie has some fun elements, it can’t stand on its own,

Read More »

“Saw V”

“This is a very weird turn for the series.  On one hand, the Jigsaw portion is pretty solid. The lesson to be learned is actually

Read More »

“[REC]”

“Wish I’d seen it in ˜07 because it does suffer a bit from existing in the post-found-footage pile.  Found footage seemed like a great thing

Read More »

“Saw IV”

“Saw 3 kind of pulled off its retcon of Saw history in a pretty unexpected way that kind of makes sense, and then Saw 4

Read More »

“Saw III”

“This one is off the rails, but in a good way. I think this one probably best balances the franchise’s desire to trace everything all

Read More »

“Rubber”

“This one felt to me…like a movie that was made for people to write stuff about it. Which is fine, but at the same time,

Read More »

“Saw II”

“Well, it’s early August, which means spooky movies are on rotation in my house, baby! I’m going for it, a Saw Watch 2023. Now, I

Read More »

“Clerks III”

“I’m a Kevin Smith Stan, so know that. I’ll make a light critique first: The movie hits its emotional high late in the game. Dante’s

Read More »

“Alien³”

“I’ve bumped this up a star, but I get why I never dug this one: It feels like Roger Corman’s Alien. Let’s do this in

Read More »

“Day of the Dead”

“It’s a goodie, not my favorite of the trilogy, let’s be honest, Dawn is the best, anyone who says otherwise is just trying to be

Read More »

“Last Action Hero”

“While watching this with my partner, Poonmaster Flex (her anonymity-maintaining online nickname), Flex commented that she kind of loved this because nobody makes movies like

Read More »

“M3GAN”

“First of all, thanks to this movie for having the courage of its convictions and not returning a result on letterboxd when I type “Megan,”

Read More »

“I Am Mother”

“TELL YOUR CHILDREN NOT TO WALK MY WAY. Well, the About box on google spoils this movie within ONE SENTENCE, which is pretty efficient, 10/10,

Read More »

“Hackers”

“Hackers: Better as a memory than a movie. Before I rewatched this, it was like a 3-star, maybe 2 of which were for irony. It

Read More »

“Barbarian”

“I think this movie is made more interesting if the facts about Justin Long’s character are not confirmed in the bar scene. If there’s ambiguity

Read More »

“Hotel Transylvania”

“I’ve now watched two things with Selena Gomez in it. Only Murders in the Building, in which her character is named “Mabel.” Hotel Transylvania, in

Read More »

“Stake Land”

“Very solid apocalyptic/vampire movie. It doesn’t bring a whole lot that’s new to the genre, BUT I’m seeing it…13 years after it came out, so

Read More »

“The Good Nurse”

“There’s nothing bad about the movie, the problem is that the movie has a description. From the description, you not only get the gist, you

Read More »

“The Babadook”

“I don’t know what it is, but I’m just not feeling the lady falling apart maybe because life is hard and maybe because the supernatural

Read More »

“Jeepers Creepers”

“Weird how this one works.  There’s a psychic who pops in to explain everything, but then she doesn’t really explain anything. There’s a monster reveal,

Read More »

“American Factory”

“It’s a political movie, and I have no problem with that, however, I think the trailer and other things sell the movie on the idea

Read More »

“I Care a Lot”

“I’m all for a movie where there are no sympathetic characters, and I Care A Lot goes out of its way to clear the board

Read More »

“Smile”

“*referee whistle* Looks like a call of too many it was just a dream moments on Smile with no indication or way for viewers to

Read More »

“Jackass Forever”

“One day I’m going to write a story about a 69 year-old Johnny Knoxville type planning and executing his final stunt, which will surely kill

Read More »

“The Black Phone”

“Solid horror flick, and it’s got just enough supernatural stuff without going too deep, plus, and this is huge, the supernatural elements aren’t overly explained.

Read More »

“Worth”

“You know how you watch a movie like this, and it’s good, but it’s not like you’re cheering at the end?  Everyone’s great in it,

Read More »

“Nomadland”

“I liked this movie better when the main character was Randy the Ram.  But seriously, this is torture porn for the Oscar set.”

Read More »

“Bad Words”

“Little bit of a late entry into the “holy shit, that adult just told a kid to fuck off” genre, but I’m also the one

Read More »

“The Net”

“I’m suspicious that the Sandy Bullock bikini scene and the TWO futzing with beautiful hair scenes were added later once someone was like, “Eh, is

Read More »

“The Happening”

“Over the last couple years, we’ve decided to culturally reevaluate anything and everything. This may have started with reevaluating the place of pop music and

Read More »

“Home Alone”

“My favorite character is probably Chris Farley in the SNL parody where Macaulay throws him over a table. Nobody crushed a folding table like Farley. 

Read More »

“The Void”

“If the FPS Dusk were a movie. I suppose it’s not all that helpful to review something by comparing to a more obscure thing. But

Read More »

“The Visit”

“M. Night does a good job with these. His Hellevator movie (whatever that was called) was pretty good. If he’s got like a limited budget

Read More »

“Leprechaun 3”

“As part three of the 4-part Leprechaunathon for Halloween, this was the sag point in the series. It sounds awesome: The Leprechaun ends up in

Read More »

“Leprechaun 2”

“Leprechaun 2 has most of the charms of the first, just not quite as much. I guess there’s a little more lore or something, a

Read More »

“Leprechaun”

“This is an earlier work of an actor who would go on to be quite famous. I’m of course referring to Mark Holton, aka Francis

Read More »

“Dead & Buried”

“Maybe this one is a little more like a Twilight Zone episode, pulled out like taffy to stretch to full length, but that taffy still

Read More »

“The Mist”

“This is one of those “learn nothing about it, do not google it, just go watch it” movies. Just great stuff. A totally underrated Stephen

Read More »

“Panic Room”

“I’ve never felt so empty as I did after this movie showed me 1. I have nothing of value high enough that a panic room

Read More »

“Don’t Breathe”

“This might be a good political ad, kind of like the ones I’ve been seeing around here (Colorado) about legalizing hallucinogens. The ad is all

Read More »

“Wish Upon”

“Here’s a review I wrote for a library newsletter. Enjoy! Let’s say I told you that your library card is a wish-granting device. Not in

Read More »

“Us”

“Well… I have complicated, mixed feelings about this one. On one hand, like Get Out, I appreciated the movie that was a bonkers-as-hell horror flick.

Read More »

“Fair Game”

“The movie that answers the question: is it worse to cast supermodels or professional athletes?  The answer is complicated.  You want to watch a movie

Read More »

“Clue”

“This is an ex’s favorite movie, so I’m morally obligated to give it no more than 3 stars.”

Read More »

“Hocus Pocus”

“This movie, like The Goonies, is one I would like to go back in time and show myself when it came out. Because I don’t

Read More »

“Kedi”

“I’m a cat person, but… There’s this line from the description: “the most mysterious and beloved animal humans have ever known” This is why punctuation

Read More »

“Mean Girls”

“Just rewatched this last night. Let’s talk about the biggest holes in this movie, which aren’t very big. 1. Why is Lindsay Lohan introduced to

Read More »

“Creep”

“There’s a problem with this type of movie that’s not Creep’s to solve, but it remains unsolved: When I’m watching a movie called Creep about

Read More »

“Prospect”

“Starts with a great premise: What if the gold rush happened in space? And then it takes that question and says: “It’d be exactly the

Read More »

“A Quiet Place”

“You know what drives me nuts about this movie? “Women are so tough, she births a baby IN TOTAL SILENCE.” You all know this movie

Read More »

“Upgrade”

“Imagine you could maximize your brain’s potential. Why are people so into that? Wouldn’t, like, 5% more be pretty good? Also, maybe brains are like

Read More »

“Circle”

“I watched this while catsitting for a cat I truly loved. She passed away. Did her demise and this movie have any relation? Absolutely not.

Read More »

“The Expendables”

“Jason Statham plays a character named Lee Christmas. We’ve got Christmas Jones in James Bond. Lloyd Christmas in Dumb & Dumber. Using a name search

Read More »

“Predator 2”

“The Sega Genesis game was a B+. This is my system for rating movies that have been rated and viewed plenty already. At least I

Read More »

“Predators”

“In the theater, when Adrien Brody came out topless, there was a noticeable titter that rolled through the audience. The guy was ripped, but it

Read More »

“Land of the Dead”

“Can people stop saying this movie is prescient? Like it invented the concept of rich people and poor people? “It’s more relevant now than ever!”

Read More »

“28 Weeks Later”

“…if they’d moved this over one franchise to the left, released it as Land of the Dead instead, everyone would be a lot happier in

Read More »

“RoboCop”

“I give this 5 stars even though it spawned an NES game that forces you to kill a bunch of dogs on the first level,

Read More »

“Swordfish”

“I give this movie 5 stars because Halle Berry is topless and for no other reason. I have no defense for this and will make

Read More »