Archives

“The Call”

“A book that’s pleasant and quiet without being boring, which is a rarity as far as I can tell. The book has a structure to

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“Adjustment Day”

“50 pages into this book, I was thinking, “Ah, Christ. So Mr. Palahniuk is weighing in on American politics too? Is fucking EVERYONE an expert

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“Marvel 1985”

“*UPDATE I accidentally read this twice. Didn’t even realize that I’d read it before until I went to put it here on Goodreads. It should

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“Batman: Hush”

“*****This contains spoilers for both this book AND Batman: the Long Halloween. So if you haven’t read Long Halloween, I’d say go for that one

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“Half Empty”

“”Should you happen to be possessed of a certain verbal acuity coupled with a relentless, hair-trigger humor and surface cheer spackling over a chronic melancholia

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“The Cute Manifesto”

“”…What is art not? Well, as I’ve described it, Art is not about communication. Art is not a way of conveying information. It’s a way

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“Pandorum”

“This movie smells so strongly of Paul WS Anderson that when he showed up in the credits, the movie made a lot more sense.”

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“Life”

“You know how in horror movies you’re like, “Well, these people are making terrible choices, but they’re all 19, bad choices are kind of the

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“The Batman”

“I tried to figure out the plot of this movie afterward, and I went home and spray painted a bunch of words on the floor

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“Frozen”

“Hear me out: This is basically a Kevin Smith, “two people in a room with a good excuse to tell stories” movie, only with a

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“Cats”

“Normally I don’t write plot summaries as reviews, but in the case of Cats, I think it’s fine because I’m going to get 10% of

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“Troll 2”

“Shoutout to the underappreciated Creedence, who was by far the most over-the-top actor in a movie where a guy yells “Oh My GOOOOOOOOd!” with a

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“Scream VI”

“It was a bold choice to film the subway portion in real time. That’s what they did, right? That’s why it took so long?  It’s

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“Scream”

“Everyone seems to have forgotten what was so cool about the original Scream: When you saw it, up to then, most other big slashers were

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“Dredd”

“The movie rules so hard, and everyone who says it’s pro-police or whatever probably also thinks Starship Troopers is pro-war propaganda, Fight Club is about

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“Scream 4”

“This seems to be the point where they pushed the connection to the original movie to its breaking point and then a tad further. Which

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“Night of the Comet”

“Too competent and reasonable to be super cult-y, too dull to be a mainstream success. Everything in this movie works except the plotting. The characters

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“House of Wax”

“What is it with movies that have “wax” in the title? Waxwork and House of Wax: both movies that are a little slow and uninteresting

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“Totally Killer”

“My advice to slashers is to go after the elderly instead of teens. Less mobile, often alone, treat yourself to a Werther’s after each success.”

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“Escape Room”

“This movie has added a new entry to me Eccentric Millionaire Ideas Book: Open a bar that’s completely upside-down with all the furniture and shit

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“Sleepaway Camp”

“Knowing the ending ahead of time destroyed this movie for me. I gather it’s not that way for everyone, but for me, knowing exactly what

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“Scream”

“Endlessly fascinated by the garage door kill in this movie.  On one hand, the one with a garage door opener in it, I get it,

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“Slotherhouse”

“Well, we did it.  This definitely has the hallmarks of a bad movie. The sloth puppet looks horrendous and yet is in 100% daylight from

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“Saw X”

“Jigsaw used to kill people like doctors because they had C- bedside manner. Now he’s a vigilante going after total scumbag supervillains.  I miss the

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“Cat’s Eye”

“I was preparing my partner for this movie not to be very cat-centric, and I was wrong to do so. #General4Eva”

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“The Pyramid”

“I couldn’t help but imagine what would compel me to risk my life for my job. Pete, they’re shutting down your project tomorrow, so if

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“Near Dark”

“Will one of these vampires get a fucking watch already? Morning comes every single day, you’d think that the vampires who’d survived would be pretty

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“Cry Baby Lane”

“There’s a bunch of rumor/creepypasta swirling about this one. First off, the movie that you’ll see is fine. It’s like a 90-minute Are You Afraid

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“The Midnight Hour”

“An underappreciated gem of the mostly family friendly movie set. Although our main hero is super clueless. Like, not only does he not see the

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“The Plague”

“Have you ever come up with a cool premise and then started turning into a story when you realize there’s nothing but the premise and

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“Vivarium”

“Even though this was ambiguous in a lot of the ways I disliked about It Follows, this one works for me because it A) leans

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“Shark Night 3D”

“False advertising, takes place mostly during the day.  I’m also not sure about the necessity of understanding West Baltimore as it relates to revenge killing

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“Dracula”

“Respect it and what it’s doing, but they should’ve pretended it was set during torrential rain to excuse the sound.  Yes, I know, this wasn’t

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“It Follows”

“Unfortunately, this movie could not be released under its original title: The (Cock) Ring.  Pretty to look at, nice soundtrack, good premise, but we never

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“Cobweb”

“So tired of woke Hollywood replacing our beloved The Boy with The Girl. #JusticeForBrahms Do any people in Hollywood know how bullying works?  If I

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“Red Eye”

“The fucking preview for this movie makes it look like a romcom starring Rachel McAdams and Cillian Murphy, and it’s a complete gem and deserves

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“Deep Blue Sea”

“Possibly the best all-time version of, “I had no idea that this super dangerous thing I created in order to do good in the world

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“The Boogeyman”

“If I get Letterboxd premium, would I find this movie by searching “Boogeyman” as opposed to “The Boogeyman”? I was all set to give this

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“The Menu”

“Now do one called “The Director’s Cut” where it’s the same deal but everyone is watching a new Ari Aster film. “

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“Halloweentown”

“The funniest thing about the Halloweentown franchise is reading reviews of the reboot which had a different cast: People are PISSED. This is like beyond

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“Annabelle”

“I don’t think Annabelle knows what kind of movie it is. Could’ve gone more serious-er and creepy, OR could’ve got wackier and more over-the-top, but

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“Harley & Katya”

“I like sports docs quite a bit, and this one…well, there is some great footage, there are a couple interesting angles, but the end sort

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“Jigsaw”

“Alright, I’m through the first 8, ready for part 10. Part 9 being Spiral, which, No. It turns out I HAD seen all 8 parts.

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