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Everyone have a seat. After last night I can see why they decided it was time to get some new management in here.  That was

“,…and then the cop asked me where I was going, so I told him work.” “What you should have said was, ‘Hey man, where were

Print 2-sided, dummies. MarioPosterGame

You know who you really need to watch out for? That guy who, given the choice in a video game, picks the girl character. We

Being the victim of this, can I tell you something that is really not cool? Having a dad who is an identical twin. It’s fucked

Because of the steady volume of films involving a body switch (Freaky Friday, whatever that fucking movie is that’s out right now, Freaky Friday again)

Episode AABF21: “Guess Who’s Coming to Criticize Dinner” [about Homer Simpson] McAllister: I’m surprised he doesn’t just give it up and go for sweatpants. Akira:

Pete:  Thanks again for seeing us doctor. Doctor: No problem. Pete:  I mean it.  Thanks a shitload.  I can’t imagine what a baby would do

National Treasure reminds us all that there’s treasure everywhere! No it doesn’t, and no there isn’t.  In my whole life I know one kid who

Nope, can’t wear the footed pajamas. Couple big issues here. First, I can see exactly where this is headed.  Once it’s okay to wear them

Big, huge, gigantic radio show tomorrow. In the meantime, have you been keeping up? You know that annoying 100 books list that comes up on

Whether you know it or not, you KNOW Clint Howard. He has played a series of roles, many of them involving white collared shirts. .

Holy shit! How did this get in here without waking me up? Where did someone get a horse around here? That’s an awfully wasteful use

Whenever I go to someone’s house and they have a water dispenser on the fridge, they really want you to use that shit. Go ahead,

First thing, god forbid this go directly to the screen that lets you pick some stuff.  I want a POV visual of going through a

Harry:  Dad, I just found a stone that gives you life forever and stopped an evil wizard! Dad Potter: That’s really great, son.  Just remember

It turns out that there ARE a couple downsides to installing a gyros spindle into the structure of your apartment. For one thing, when you’re

It’s time for the radio show to get its own theme song of its very own.  Check out the CR ad, submit if you’ve got

Quick recap: Nobody loves me, therefore I’m building a gyros spindle in my apartment. Quick recaps leave more room for What than Why, okay? After

After making the life-affirming decision to install a professional-grade gyros spindle in my kitchen as a way to compensate for the lack of ability to

A lot of people do weird things when they break up with someone. Like get a haircut or start showering or stop showering. I usually

Okay, I am going to make the following case: It is not appropriate to stare at breasts in public. There are many reasons for this,

Young Ray, I am very sorry to hear that you’re going blind.  However, that’s no reason that you can’t play wonderful music and be happy

1997- JK Rowling publishes Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone 1997- Pete discovers that zits are easier to pop after a hot shower. 1998- Google

1. Define a Question: A spider has escaped between the baseboard and the wall in my apartment.  Not wanting to spray anything too chemical-y inside,

Hi! We are a young couple looking to buy our first home. Our combined age is less than 50, and we’ve decided to cast off

It’s hard to express how I feel in words. I cleaned the bathroom today.  My apartment, in case you don’t know, is a wonderful, breezy

Howdy, I have a criticism on your packaging that I think needs to be pointed out. It’s not the picture of the pizza.  That’s working

Page 10: Interview with veterans who lost limbs and now work a dude ranch together. . . . . Page 19: Profile of the best

As a man who has, apparently, a 33% chance of being pregnant…Yes, about.com is bullshit.

“Bomb went off.  He never had a chance.  He’s gone to another place, man.  He’s in…the Hurt Locker now.” “You can’t just drive.  You have

Every time you see someone with a new haircut or a big lifestyle change, it’s because they just broke up with someone.  This is science,

Spanish spoken solely: SAME Hilarity of English words and brands that sneak in: SAME Amount of cleavage: DIFFERENT Tightness of Pants: DIFFERENT Days of the

Have you heard of this? The idea is that you have a daily topic that you blog about, and if you do all 30 days

Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Warp Zone? Son, let me explain something to you. I purchased a machine that I do not understand at all for $200. 

Let’s see…it says here you type 120 wpm.  Is that true?  Wow.  And what is a “whipum?”  Oh, oh, I see.  Yes, very good.  And

Hey, I have a great idea. Okay, we had twins.  We have to accept that.  It’s going to be tough. But how about this:  Instead

Smartest Airport Shuttle Driver: Reed. Dumbest Airport Shuttle Driver: Everyone but Reed. Person Who Was Right About Waiting at the Outlet Mall Instead of in

You are probably wondering where your weekly dose of RadioSnow is at.  If you’re wondering that, you’ve learned nothing about prepositions from all of this

Alarms, though annoying, make sense in a lot of situations.  Fires.  Burglar alarms.  Sirens that go off in the middle of techno dance songs. You

It is not, in fact, super. It does not, in fact, cost eight dollars to stay. The Tripadvisor review that is headlined “Not as bad

Having a Flagpole in the Front Yard If you see a flagpole in a yard, guarantee an old man lives there.  Every time.  What is

This is the craziest set of options on Earth. Yes, attending.  That makes sense. No, not attending.  That also makes sense. Maybe?  MAYBE!? That is

Did you know that today is America? I would like to present the two ways in which fireworks can be enjoyed: 1. At a Professional

“It’s not that I drank too much. I’ve been mixing too many different kinds of drinks.” Yeah, that’s probably it. It’s probably the mixture of

Step 1:  Pete reads an article in Nintendo Power magazine.  The article features a kid without arms who still manages to play Nintendo quite well

Always Make Sure to Arrive at the Airport 4 Hours Early Good tip.  No problem.  It would normally be really annoying to get up four

Can someone explain these to me? So you have this big ass car, and for some reason you can’t fit a goddamn cooler inside.  You

Name: Pete Phone: 303-KIC-KASS Occupation: Kicking Ass (once this goes through, anyway). Weapons Training: Once used a tennis racket to kill a bunch of moths

You wanna be on the radios? We’re looking for a few good co-hosts. Or a whole bunch of shitty ones. Be brave, take a chance.

At the ATM the other day, I was waiting for a dispensation of cash when the screen went bright fucking orange and asked me, “Do

It’s summer time, and a lot of people feel like this is a good reason to go around topless.  Specifically, men think this.  However, I

Good morning, everyone.  Please have a seat. As you’ve probably heard, Mr…Satin, is not in today.  So it looks like it’s you and me.  Buckle

Mr. Popper’s Penguins: Watch Jim Carrey ruin childhood idol number 3 (#1: The Grinch, #2: his portrayal of Corky in Dumb and Dumber)?  No thanks.

Stage 1: Fearless Optimism Pete feels that everything is going great.  The future is so bright that shades must be worn, and they are because

Exhibit A: Cost Every time you go bowling, it starts off as being the evening special where you only pay three dollars, and by the

Special Announcement: There will be a secret podcast recorded here in the next couple weeks.  It will not be on the regular feed, it will

Please enjoy the following news story: Tracking bracelet worn by lost autistic Aurora boy malfunctioned AURORA — An 11-year-old autistic boy, who police believe left

Son, this is a big time in your life.  But it can be hard, too.  Really hard.  Like about as hard as I was when

My Fatalitites If I Were a Mortal Kombat Character Shame Spiral [up + down + left + left + fierce punch] Whirling Accidental Punch While

Well.  His, uh, he had some really cool shoes. That thing he said about how it’s hard to drive behind grandmas?  What was that all

“I’ve got a great idea for a cartoon.  It’s about this guy, a sailor, named Popeye.  He comes into various troubles, and he accesses super

Hey buddy.  I know it’s tough out there, standing in the hall.  Time really slows down, huh?  I bet you never thought you’d be like

Go-Go-Gadget Tag Sticking Out of Shirt! Go-Go-Gadget Gyros Spindle Detector! Go-Go-Gadget Distaste for Dance Music! Go-Go-Gadget Knowledge of Turtle Biology! Go-Go-Gadget Use 1/17th of a

Hi, everyone.  I know that the teacher wasn’t going to force me to introduce myself because that’s something that only happens on TV.  But I

  Okay, this is an extremely complicated process.  For some reason, instead of a giant robot with one pilot like we’d asked for, we have

This is an email sent because you filled out a request for password retrieval. In order to reset your password and create a new one,

In-Person: Good day to you.  And how are you this fine day? (Greeting, question.  Makes sense.) Once Mail Was Invented: Dear Sir, How are you? 

More Bacon Than You’d Think Necessary   Down (in the basement level) Home (shitty apartment) Cookin’ (sort of)   [front cover just a chart explaining

Every night, outside my apartment, beetles come out to play.  They are big and brown and hit against the door hard enough that is sounds

If you don’t have… Soy Sauce Try Using… Salt dissolved in brownish water If you don’t have… Flour Try Using… Cigarette ashes mixed with Elmer’s

“Okay, we need to get through some stuff, so let’s just get started.  No laughing.  If I catch you laughing it’s going to be laps,”

This is the new King Soopers in town.  Pretty giant, huh?  You and I both know that the number one appeal factor for grocery stores

Question:  “Imagine you are taking someone that you know somewhat on a first date.  What would you do?” Friend’s Answer:  “Well, since it would be

To just say the ending would be to discount all the amazing work leading up to this ending.  It would be like standing on top

1.  Beginning of the Day “Ah, here is what I have to look forward to.  Today is going to be different, too, because I will

How Many of You Does It Take to Completely Ruin the Sad, Drink-y Vibe at a Bowling Alley? Music: How Much Less Meaningful and Directed

Pre-Wedding Photos: Instead of taking multiple photos with a bunch of idiots immediately before the wedding, I’ll just go ahead and consider EVERY PHOTO FROM

Katy Perry:  These Are Noises that Emanate from Above My Breasts. Dave Matthews Band: I’ve Got One More in Me Before Total Baldness Sets in

Me, age 8: Mom, can we go into the rock store? My Mom’s Response: Okay.  But just for a few minutes. What My Response as

Rules: Below are 5 episode descriptions from the television series Roseanne.  1 is fake, 4 are real.  Your goal is to separate the actual episodes

This button will change the face of Youtube. No longer will people be unclear on whether or not Rebecca Black is a singer or Double