“Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? Big Questions from Tiny Mortals About Death”

“To the titular question: I hate this question. I feel like it’s some weird proof that cats don’t actually love people or something, and I think it’s sort of silly.

Let’s just settle this.

If I die while owning a cat, and if said cat eats my eyes, I’m fine with that. I was obviously done using them. And as a member of the family, I want my cat to live a full life. So if what’s required to survive the period between my death and my cat being rescued is for my cat to eat my eyes, no hard feelings. If I found a human had eaten a cat, one who was dead anyway, in a do or die scenario, I wouldn’t hold it against them. And that’s what we’re talking about here. Your average indoor cat is trapped in the house, doesn’t even know how to turn on a faucet, and has no idea how long this will go on.

If your primary argument against cats or cat ownership is that they’ve on occasion munched on lifeless, already-wasted human flesh, you’re gonna have to do a lot better than that. Because I mean, I’m the one who domesticated the cat, then up and died, then had the sad life where no one came looking for me. I got Mr. Whiskers into this mess. It’s only fair that my eyeballs should get him out. “