Initiative: K9 Unit
Testing Period: 90 Days
Result: K9 units very effective at grabbing arms of criminals and shaking head around. In written post-arrest surveys, most criminals rated this as hurting “real bad.” However, K9 units were not effective against multiple targets, and became fatigued very quickly as they were unable to drive and had to run wild in the streets. Also, kept getting into the goddamn garbage.
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Initiative: Robo K9 Unit
Testing Period: 90 Days
Result: Robo K9 units were more effective than regular K9 units in that they could be mounted with weaponry and taught more advanced skills. However, farms in surrounding areas frequently complained about “retired” units that were left in rural ditches and culverts.
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Initiative: K9 Units (w/ mounted weapons)
Testing Period: 90 Days
Result: Disastrous. The combination of living tissue and firepower was promising, however the K9 units were difficult to train, and mostly they fired their weapons after receiving ANY kind of stimulus. Many innocents were killed, and our tennis courts were decimated.
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Initiative: Cops in Teams of More Than 2
Testing Period: 90 Days
Result: Inconclusive. Unfortunately, most of the time was spent with unit members arguing about which roles each member would fill. Who would be Rookie with Optimistic Outlook, for example, or Grizzled Sarge with No Time for Your Bullshit.
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Initiative: Park Empty Cars All Over
Testing Period: 90 Days
Result: Less speeding. Greatly increased car theft.
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Initiative: Park Empty ROBOTIC Cars All Over
Testing Period: 90 Days
Result: Equal car theft, though thieves DID report being more annoyed by robot voice asking them to stop. However, this annoyance was offset by increased value of car due to large amount of electronic equipment.