“This oneâs like a very funny, maybe tween-ish novel about a disastrous attempt to make a zombie movie.
Me and my friends tried to make a Batman movie as youths. This being the eary 90âs, Tim Burtonâs Batman was all the rage.
Ours didnât turn out as good as Batman. Or Batman Returns. I hate to say itâs worse than Batman and Robinâ¦well, relative to budget and talent and experience and equipment, Iâll say we did okay compared to that one.
Some highlights:
-Batman could not get the doors open to his Batcave/garden shed. He struggles on-camera for awhile, turns around laughing, and says he canât get it open. Upon getting an adult to open it, we discover itâs full of wasps and unusable.
-The Joker (played by me, and Iâm comfortable being 4th as cinematic Jokers behind Nicholson, Ledger, and Mark Hamill. Wait, shit, 5th behind Cesar Romero) wore a suit jacket that looked like itâd fit his father, probably because it was acquired from his fatherâs closet and totally ruined by white makeup.
-Every transition was a fade to white as that was the only transition built into the camera. Also, every transition featured an actor breaking the scene before the transition was complete.
-The Joker was stabbed to death by Batman, who made the killing blow with Batmanâs weapon of choice, a chrome artificial hip. Which was a thing we had because my dad worked in a hospital and was weird.
-Batman made a final soliloquy while Joker was face down on the cement. With perfect but unintentional comic timing, when Batman wondered whether Joker was really dead, Jokerâs hat fell off while he was facedown on the sidewalk, causing Batman to give out an uncharacteristic and sort of frightening giggle and to say something like âoh, yep, definitely dead.â
-A tearful younger brother who was left out of the production appears for a brief moment to say âI was the key grip.â None of us knew what this meant, my dad just forced us to put him in the movie and suggested this was how we could do it. This was a rare moment of half-assed but effective parenting and was the entirety of the end credits. “