Alright, shitheads, listen up.
I bet you’re surprised I said Shitheads, huh? Well, we’re in a class where we use tools that could take your fucking arm off, so the rules in here are a little different. Different for me. For you, much worse.
Let’s take a brief tour of the shop.
This is the table saw. Use it to cut shit. NOT YOUR ACTUAL SHIT. I know you’ve already heard about the kid who cut a log of his shit on the table saw and how hilarious it was. Which it was. The one time. But now, every goddamn semester I come around the corner and find some jokemeister cutting a log of his shit on the table saw. So figure out something new. I’ve seen enough of that one.
This is an orbital sander. We’ll be using this not to sand shit, but to look at while you’re sanding shit until you understand how much it sucks to sand shit with a block. It sucks a lot, by the way. A lot of a lot.
Here we’ve got a grinder. Again, log of shit, been there, done that.
Jigsaw. And before you even ask, before you open your dumb goddamn mouth, No you may not take a piece of wood, cut it in four curvy pieces and say it’s a puzzle you’re giving someone. That’s bullshit, and bullshit that I’m familiar with already. You have to shovel some fresh bullshit to bullshit a bullshitter-detector.
While we’re on the topic, absolutely under no circumstances are you to give any of these things away as gifts. Your relatives will be pissed. But because they have been deluded into loving you, they’ll think I’m a shit teacher instead of you being stoned and having fingers covered in Dorito dust. Reality is that your products will suck because you are stoned and covered in Dorito dust. Seriously, I work amongst sawdust all day, but I still find trace amounts of Dorito dust goddamn everywhere in this school.
If you have projects, please just turn them into me at the end of the year. I do a yearly bonfire that helps me feel like it’s finally goddamn over. I’m drunk, I burn your stuff. Welcome to shop.