Guy: Pete, I need you to do me a favor.
Pete: I’d rather not.
Guy: Okay, but I have that spell book you need. And I’ll only give it to you if you do me this favor.
Pete: Can’t I just pay you?
Guy: No way, man. What do I need money for?
Pete: Can I just look at one page? One goddamn page?
Guy: Nope. Sooooorry.
Pete: Okay, fine. What’s the favor?
Guy: I need you to go across this valley here.
Pete: Uh-huh.
Guy: Into the forbidden cave.
Pete: Okay. Got it. Forbidden cave.
Guy: Slay the gigantic spider that is the product of the worst nightmare of nightmares.
Pete: Check.
Guy: And then return with the sword the spider is protecting. Is that clear?
Pete: I mean…yeah. I think I understand your directions. It’s just…
Guy: What?
Pete: Well, first things first, you must have certainly considered that if I have the skills to do that, I’d probably have no real trouble just stabbing you and taking that spell book.
Guy: Huh. Honestly, hadn’t thought of that.
Pete: Yeah. Because that sounds A LOT easier than doing all that other stuff.
Guy: I see your point. But still.
Pete: Also, this giant spider. Is it rare? An animal you don’t see a lot?
Guy: Oh, extremely! It’s the only one of its kind.
Pete: That’s what I thought. See, the thing is, I’m cool killing stuff. I killed a hawk just to make this belt buckle.
Guy: It’s nice.
Pete: Right? And then I threw the rest of the carcass into a fire for absolutely no fucking reason.
Guy: Nice.
Pete: But that’s a hawk. There’s billions of those fuckers. Giant spider king? I don’t know, man.
Guy: Yeah. Reasonable reservations so far.
Pete: And finally, why the fuck don’t you just get it yourself? You have a spell book. You could do some spells, walk in there, turn the spider king into dust, and then just take the sword.
Guy: Huh.
Pete: Yeah, huh. Meanwhile, I’m like ten. I don’t even have a jacket.
Guy: Are you done?
Pete: Yes. Yes, I’m done.
Guy: Good. Okay. How about I’ll also give you some…information?
Pete: Well….alright. But this better be worth it. None of that ‘The dragon is weakest in its flashing red weak spot.’ I already know that.