Hello, I’m MS Office. Let Me Explain How Things Work Around Here

Thanks for using Microsoft Office.  We say that even though we know that most people using this stuff have no real choice because either a school or workplace is forcing them to do so.  So thanks for being victimized in that way!

Feel free to type in any questions here and we’ll do our best to answer them and get you on track.

P-A-S-T-E-?

Cutting and pasting!  One of our favorites.  It’s mostly like it’s always been.  However, you’ll notice in Publisher that when you paste an object, it will paste itself almost directly on top of the original, copied object.  Why anyone would copy an object and paste it only to place it almost exactly on top of the original is beyond me, but such is life!

D-O-U-B-L-E-S-P-A-C-E-?

Of course you can!  Just to be safe, we’ve changed the default spacing a little too.  So now, instead of single-spaced, all documents are 1.5-spaced, a brand new thing no one has ever heard of!  What we did is take the standard single spacing.  Then considered that a lot of people ask for double spacing.  So what’s in the middle?  Why, 1.5 of course!  We really found a compromise there that will make no one happy.

S-P-R-E-A-D-S-H-E-E-T-?

Eugh.  Boy.  Haha.  Well, yes.  Yes, of course.  We still have Excel, which is our premier product for…doing…that stuff.  We’ve made it more user-friendly than ever.  The boggling menus and options are now much larger and more brightly colored, which we think will help a lot.

Okay, I can’t keep this up any longer.  For fuck’s sake, one of the main buttons appears to be Sigma.  Literal Greek.  You know how people say, “I don’t know, it’s Greek to me”?  This is ACTUAL Greek on one of our fucking menus.  Fuck me.