A) “Oh dear. Someone is having their vehicle stolen. Or WOULD BE if it weren’t for that car alarm. Whew!”
B) “Ah! A car alarm. Now’s the time for me to really begin my vigilante career in earnest. I was kind of hoping it wouldn’t involve defending a 1994 Honda, but everyone has to start somewhere!”
C) “Haha, oh man. Must have just tripped it by accident getting in the car again. You would think it would be really annoying to a person to trip his own car alarm every fucking time he gets in his own car, but I really admire this gentleman. Nothing rattles the guy.”
D) “You know, my general policy when hearing any alarm is to move towards it as quickly as possible until the situation is resolved.”
E) “Man, I gotta get me one of those. Great idea!”
F) “I hope they not only steal this motherfucker’s car, but that they ram it into the side of his house, kill his wife and their unborn child, back over their cat, go forward again and nail the dog this time, then the entire floor of the house cracks to reveal a giant sinkhole with an acid-filled volcano at the bottom. All will die in complete agony.”