“You know what I don’t like about these books? What’s with the story? There’s SO much story compared to the amount of fucking. It’s an 11-page story, and they fuck for 2 pages! I know that sounds like a decent ratio, but when we’re buying a book called Conquered By Clippy, and when the subtitle is An Erotic Short Story, and when the cover is an animated paperclip next to a bikini babe, am I WAY off in expecting more than one sex scene?
To be fair, this book blew its mercurial load all at once. You can’t do sex AND butt sex the first time! That’s an amateur mistake. You either save the butt stuff to escalate, or you turn the tables on us, start butt, then go vagina or mouth, but in a way that surprises me because I’m like, “Damn, I thought they kind of got to the butt stuff too quick, but this is great too.”
Some lines? You know you want to read some lines.
“Unlike an actual paperclip, the end of [Clippy’s] coiled body was rounded, and it felt smooth in her mouth. As she lapped and tongued and sucked at it, it became even redder and hotter. Her own human body part (vagina) felt hot too.”
This is a thing in this story. Some pretty unnecessary parenthesis here. It’s not like “Her own human body part” is euphemism I can’t understand. I don’t even think it’s euphemism. Is it? And I’m going to assume, since the whole idea is that she’s human and fucking a paperclip, that her body parts are all human.
Here’s another one:
“He complied, pushing more of his hot (in temperature) body inside of her…”
Thanks for the reminder that a paperclip is not sexually attractive.
Have you ever wished, and this is off-topic, that you were really attracted to something like paperclips? Like you could look at them and just, that was all it took? Maybe something slightly less common, but something that no one would suspect. You know, like if it was wooden pencils, you could have “porn” all over your desk, all day, and nobody would say anything. I could walk around the house with a fetish object behind my ear at all times, and nobody would say a thing. If I rolled up a porno magazine and stuck it behind my ear, I feel like we’d have problems.
Anyway, Clippy pushes so deep inside this woman that the FLESH UNDER HER STERNUM BULGES. That’s less erotic to me than it is the chestburster from Aliens. Seriously, Clippy, what the fuck?
But we do get this classic line: “It looks like you’re trying to reach orgasm. May I assist you using butt stuff?”
Ah, butt stuff. Yes, many a long, sensual night has begun with me opening the old MS Word and clicking on Butt Stuff Wizard. Butt Stuff Templates. I can’t tell you the way I wept over the loss of Butt Stuff ClipArt. Ah, well. All part of a beautiful memory.
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