“What’s the deal with Bruce Wayne and girlfriends? I mean, I get it. Who isn’t into hot babes? But my question is, Why do people who write Batman comics include a girlfriend angle? I have to say, Bruce Wayne’s girlfriends must be the least interesting aspect of most Batman stories. Think about it. This is a guy who flies around in jets and speedboats, is a martial arts expert, has all kinds of crazy gadgets, and I’m being told about a date he went on to some stupid ball? Hell, I get bored when my friends tell me about the people they’re dating sometimes, and the closest thing my friends do to Batman shit is rolling out of bed at 1 on Sunday, holding a comforter around themselves in somewhat cape-like fashion.
And why do we always have this conversation:
Alfred: Master Wayne, your date with Carmen DeSexia is this evening.
Batman: Cancel it. The Joker’s on the loose.
Alfred: I shall send my regards. If I may, perhaps it’s best to let her go.
Batman: Not this one Alfred. This one is special.
Really? This one? THIS ace reporter, one of the hundreds of attractive ace reporters you’ve dated, is the special one? Would you say it’s because she’s attractive, or is it more because she gets super upset when you cancel dates, or is it because you, for absolutely no reason, think this is the one girlfriend who isn’t being used by one of your enemies in order to find out your secrets?
If there’s some story to it or some appeal, by all means, bring on the lovey dovey stuff. But if it’s just some other lady who doesn’t understand an appropriate cleavage amountage for being on the news, or if it’s some shape-changing monster on the attack, or if it’s both and I’m left feeling very confused about my sexuality, I’m giving everyone permission to go ahead and skip it.”