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Rocketed away from a dying planet, Kal-El discovered that the Earth’s yellow sun imbued him with super powers.  He became Superman! Pete, rocketed away from

When high school nerd Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider, he found that he had gained the proportional speed and strength of a

…setting places for four people and only including 2 coffee cups.  I guess it’s a gamble that sometimes pays off.  People don’t all want coffee. 

The other night I went to this party.  It was a fancy party, but the bad fancy kind.  There’s the good fancy kind where everything

Central Vacuums:  You’ll always know someone who had one, but you will never own one yourself.  If you do happen to own one, it will

Before we go out, would it be cool if I gave your email away to some friends?  They’ll only email you, like, a couple times

A few weeks ago I cut my own hair.  It was all over the tabloids, but it’s okay if you missed it. Getting a haircut

Gatorade Frost: Glacier Freeze 2014 Fla-Vor-Ice, The Pink One That No One Likes Like Right When You Get Out of The Pool And It’s Cold

In looking at some apartments, I figured, Hey, let’s use that Google Maps shit to check out the neighborhood.  See what it’s like. Well, that’s

Every time you think that maybe you see the weirdest thing ever in the bathroom, you find something else. I’m not talking about 1-800-Asshole scratched

1.  Get rid of all the F keys.  Those things are dumb.  We get it, you can make crazy little rows of keys just for

      Whenever a new catalogue comes in to work, it’s always a good idea to take a look.  Whether it be the maybe-racist

Erin, I apologize for not texting you back sooner. Snowbowl is coming. In the meantime, please accept this apology graphic. Stay Shiny! Glitter Delight –

0:02 – While straining so hard on a straw that he was causing the structure of said straw to warp. 0:04 – Mid-effort while dragging

“I’m going to break bad these Doritos.” “Don’t worry about the change.  It’s all breaking bad in the end, right?” “Couple of breaking bads moved

Mother’s maiden name? Mother’s favorite flower? Color of the skin around your mother’s eyes? What your mother said the first time you came home far

We’ve all tried this one.  From now on, it’s biking to work every day, getting up at 5:30, reading the entire newspaper, the one that

Holidays in a small town almost always mean a night out drinking with a weird mixture of people.  There’s your friends, the ones who live

There are those times when you show up to the bar.  Or party, or gathering of friends, or possibly my bathtub which is filled with

“Thanks for joining our insane, useless service!  I know you got tricked into signing up for this because only a complete lunatic with SEVERE head

It has come to my attention that this bullshit is still be happening. Let me be the first to say, I know there is no

As we all know, I’m a huge fan of reviews of things written by amateurs.  Half the reason I take vacations is for the excuse

It just so happens that yours truly stopped by the thrift store to see if what this Mackeral fella was saying was true. The important

Dear Pete, Oh man, I forgot to thaw my turkey.  What should I do? From, Warren Hi Warren! That IS a turkey emergency.  Turkurgency?  Turmergency? 

On the flight out of Denver a woman sat next to me with a combination of two snacks.  Guess which one of the following is

“You can change channel on all TVs to whatever the fuck you want.  Is great?” “If you’ve ever wanted to watch a middle schooler fuck

Complaining about the horrors of my gym has become a normal past time.  However, walking downtown the other day, I came across this gem, a

Like yesterday’s post, I wanted to talk about another of these little viral stories that’s been going around.  Again, I hate them because I feel

People who know me know that one of my biggest hates is the weird viral stories that I suspect are A) Not entirely true in

I accidentally discovered one of the underrated differences between people who are attractive and people who are not. I assume that attractive people, when someone

SITCOM APARTMENTS- giant, hardwood floors, vintage decorations, Manhattan. REAL APARTMENTS- ceilings low enough that the shortest of men dread entering, carpet spilled on enough that

NEVER STOP BELIEVING TRY TO BELIEVE UNTIL AT LEAST 4 PM SHOOT FOR BELIEF THROUGH THE LUNCH HOUR AT LEAST READ THE SIGN ALOUD READ

Ah, the AC/DC pinball machine.   This is a really pleasant sight that you can stare down upon while playing for hours on end.   Pleasant, fun,

ON THE AIRPLANE Okay.  Let’s just see who’s sitting next to me…ah, perfect.  A middle-aged lady who has an uncanny resemblance to my mom.  That’s

What An Algorithm Is: A formula or set of steps for solving a particular problem. What An Algorithm Is In Movies: A weird magic thing

Most dads would be proud to have three ninja sons who foiled an international plot of evil.  Most dads would be over the moon.  Way

It’s October.  The time of year when I feel a certain love is in the air. Mainly, the love of going to the pumpkin patch

Came across some pretty incredible opportunities in some old comic books.  Truly, times were much better.  How prosperous we must have been AS A NATION. 

Not so long ago I was in a thrift store, and peeking out from a shelf I saw a box for a Marvel Comics action

many people know Dr. Light as the kindly scientist with the Santa-like appearance who created Mega Man, a fighting robot meant to defeat the evil

Someone at work asked about my iPod the other day.  Not one of those questions about where I got the sweet case or what kind

Um, before we get started, I just thought you should know that I might be a little greasy.  I was kind of making some bacon

Where would we be without this company and its informative stamps? Singlewall?  Confirmed. Edge Crush Test: 32 LBS/IN Meets Freight Classifications:  You bet your dick!

-Change the name of your drink.   Because it sounds like a drink that is for helping you shit.  Some name suggestions include every word made

So, just realized how the image from this post and yesterday’s looks like the number 700 written in cum. I’m not sure if anyone else

Good Evening. I wanted to take a break from talking about pee-pees and wee-wees to talk about something that means a lot to me:  Our

Sadly, I did not make it to the Renaissance Fair this year.  I missed a lot.  So what I decided to do is create my

Howdy, I had a couple of questions, a couple things to add, and just some general sunshine-y shit to throw in here. Bidness First: Some

“Pete, we’ve had a murder in town, I’m afraid.” “Crap.  Are you kidding me?  Didn’t we just have a murder?” “‘Bout two weeks ago, I

Cracked the code and created this helpful equation. Let’s assume that N represents the number of stickers and tags that you pull off the suit

Ritz Crackers Delicious, golden-brown, each individual cracker is like stepping into a fancy hotel room.  It’s familiar, prefectly-appointed, yet feels just a little bit like

A few weeks ago the gym I visit was closed in order to clean the pools and do some other shit.  Which should be comforting

Expectation: Breaking a board in half with a karate chop. Reality: Sitting on the floor and listening to how it’s important to not karate people.

Friends of this web site will remember a radio show a couple weeks back where I spoke about a Starbucks incident. In Brief: Men’s room

We got one of these at my work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m into it.  Anything that feeds coffee into my body is a plus. 

A lot of people ask me about the tips for peeing in the car.  Because I do it a lot, and usually I only get

Day 1: It’s a great day for watching birds. I assume. Is there such thing as a bad day for watching birds? Well. Maybe a