Reason 1: The other night I decided to eat an apple to really get my life back on track. It’s a bad sign when you think eating one piece of fruit will really turn things around.
Reason 2: I had to cut up the apple because I’m currently sporting adult braces. I probably don’t have to explain why this is a bad thing beyond saying that it IS a thing.
Reason 3: I COULD HAVE not eaten any of the sticker that came on this apple. That would have been the best way for things to go. Things did not go that way.
Reason 4: I could have eaten the ENTIRE sticker. I would have eaten the sticker, which is not good, but I wouldn’t have KNOWN, so that’s slightly better than…
Reason 5: Eating the MAJORITY of the sticker, which means that I got both the wonderfulness of eating a sticker, yet without the ignorant bliss that would have spared me the knowledge of what had happened.