Marathon Journey Day 33: Games

I wondered today how fast video game characters are.

When you play Metroid, Samus is running the whole time. If it takes, I dunno, 8 hours to finish the game, that’s 8 hours of running. Not to mention puzzle solving, jumping, flips, shooting shit. It’s a lot of work, and if it were me, I’d curl up in that little ball and find somewhere to take a nap. It might be hard to find a napping spot on a hostile alien world, but if you can curl up into a tiny ball, it’s possible to find a napping spot anywhere. The continued existence of cats has proven this scientifically.

Games like Grand Theft Auto are the only realistic ones when it comes to characters running. You can run like 50 feet before your character craps out and starts walking fast-ish. I hate this, but I will acknowledge that it’s realistic in a way Mario isn’t. Mario is definitely a little chubby and wearing denim, and he has boundless energy. Go figure.

Of course, Sonic the Hedgehog seems to be the fastest. That’s his whole thing, right? But I’m more concerned with sustainable speed here, not top speed, although now I’m wondering if someone made shoes that look like Sonic’s. Those would be pretty sweet to wear for a race…