Marathon Journey Day 25: A Guide To Not Striking Runners With Your Vehicle And Ending Their Lives

Something I forget about when I run less is how bad people are at not hitting (or almost hitting) me with their cars. To be fair, I don’t specifically remember being told how to not hit someone with a car in driver’s ed. Mostly I remember something about downshifting and the importance of parallel parking, but I don’t remember them actually telling me how to parallel park without mowing down a pedestrian or two.

That’s why I figured I provide some tips to help you not hit me with your car.

Before you get all uppity and shit, let me explain something. If you hit someone with your car, there’s gonna be trouble. NOBODY is going to have your back on that one. Even if you don’t care about my safety (which you shouldn’t. I’m really not that productive a member of society) take in these tips for your own safety.

1.  Mama Said

When you crossed the street, what did your mama tell you? It was either look both ways or run out with your eyes closed and screaming so you couldn’t hear anything. This says a lot about the relationship you had with your parents.

Most of us probably got the Look Both Ways spiel, and this applies when you’re in a car. Yes, there is probably no traffic coming from the right if you’re turning right. But it’s possible, even probable, that someone might be coming from your right on the sidewalk.

2. Pulling Forward

Sometimes it’s hard to see the road without pulling forward and blocking a crosswalk or intersection. That’s cool, I get it. Always some yahoo out there who doesn’t understand how to trim a shrub. But the way to do it is to stop with the stop sign or light still in front of you, then SLOWLY pull forward until you can see far enough ahead to go. The proper way to do this is NOT to go full speed until you’re in the intersection. That’s how you hit someone with your vehicle, and remember, we’re trying to NOT do that.

3. Don’t Race Me

If you see me coming, and if I’m crossing the road where you’re turning, don’t bet on being quicker than me. I mean, it’s probably a safe bet most of the time. But you know what? Take solace in the fact that you’re seated, air conditioned, and probably fine to wait another 15 seconds. Okay, 35 seconds. I make it a point to avoid running by the emergency room (I looked up some stats and almost 100% of what happens there is a medical emergency. NO THANKS!) so it’s pretty unlikely that ya’ll are headed somewhere urgent.

4. Crumple

Basically, it all comes down to remembering that I’m just a dude out there. I’m not sheathed in metal and plastic designed with airbags and crumple zones. I’m no Nicki Minaj. I don’t have crumple zones.

We all know it’s pretty bad to hit another car with your car, but it’s like a thousand times worse to hit a person. Seriously, it’s not like the action movies where they’ll just roll off the hood and be fine. It’s like the other boring kind of movies where people get seriously hurt. Or it’s like both kind of movies if we’re talking about Last Action Hero, depending on whether we’re in the part where it’s the real world or not.


Point being, it’s just a bad idea. If you’re going to injure someone in a lifelong way, do the mature, adult thing and injure them EMOTIONALLY.