Did any of you actually have swear jars? Or is this just a thing that happens in movies and TV, like time portals and the idea of healthy marriage?
A swear jar has to be just about the worst thing ever conceived.
First off, who the hell is this for? It can’t be for kids. They don’t have any goddamn money. If we’d had a swear jar when I was a kid, I’d still be paying off the interest. Not even TOUCHING the principle yet. And how motivating is debt to kids? Money meant noting to me. I would ride the bus to the mall when I could only afford the bus ride. They had a store called DOLLAR WORLD that was well out of my price range. You might as well charge $40 million per swear because you were just as likely to get that.
So were they for adults? And who gets that money? Surely it’s not the kids. That seems to set up a bad situation. Are we sending the message that Fuck is bad because it costs money, or are we setting up Fuck as a great word because we get paid to hear it? Not to mention that it sure makes Fuck seem like a nice novelty. Maybe I don’t say Fuck every day, but if it’s a payday and I’m feeling saucy, Fuck it.
And what’s the price of a swear? Who decides that? It can’t be more than a dollar, right? And who decides the scale? Is Motherfucker worse than Fucker? There’s more to it, but it’s got the same root swear going on. I could see the difference between Bitch and Bitchass, let’s say, because that’s really just a compound swear. But Bitch and Bitchface? How does that work?
You’d have to spend some time figuring out the midpoint, the swear that isn’t at the bottom of the list, but the one that you feel is worth the price. The one that maybe feels just the tiniest bit underpriced to you. The clearance rack of swears, if you will.
Mark my words: I will never put a dime in a swear jar. I’ll have to be beaten to death. I don’t give a fuck.