Cheese: The secret to great nachos is shredding the cheese because it heats more evenly and melts better. The secret to shredding cheese is that I fucking hate shredding cheese.
A Bolo Tie: These shredders are always warning us to watch out for our ties. But gentlemen, don’t fret. The metal-tipped ends of a bolo tie will jam up a shredder no problem. Safe, classy: the Western Tie.
Shredded Beef: I figured it was already shredded and that it would pass through virtually unchanged. Testing this theory was quite costly.
Breathsavers: After the shredded beef incident, I figured the shredder could use some freshening. Because the combo of rancid beef strings heated by a plastic motor, whoa.
A Finger: Not mine, don’t worry. I found a separate one. It’s not really any of your business where it came from. The important thing to know is that the finger ain’t coming back. In fact, if you had a decent shredder, added in with a history of shredding meats, you could probably flatten a corpse and shred it completely.