Shot Bloks? More like Shit Bloks. Wait, more like Shit Blocks. A Blok is not a thing. A Shot Bloke is a thing. That’s a dude you can drink with. A Shit Block is a thing. Believe me, that’s a thing a body can produce. But Shot Bloks?
I figured it might be a good idea to try out some different stuff to eat while I run. Because god forbid I go like 3 hours without eating something.
Truth be told, I wondered if a long run, when we start getting up into the 15’s or something, might be more tolerable if I wasn’t starving afterward. Seriously, I had a craving for canned mushrooms at the end of the last long run. That’s the definition of insanity. Mushrooms taste like flayed testicles.
I started with these:
I have the strawberry ones right now. I wouldn’t say they’re totally identical, flavor-wise, to strawberry or to strawberry candy. Which blows my mind. I read that book Fast Food Nation like…15 years ago? And the dude who wrote it went to some lab and said he tasted a liquid that tasted EXACTLY like french fries. And yet, here I am, eating blocks of goo that taste like someone dumped cold medicine all over the innards of a strawberry Pop Tart.
The texture is a bit of a problem too. All I can think of is Snowpiercer.
Someone at Clif needs to call Tilda Swinton to do some commercials for their shit.
I’ve only tried them when I’m at my desk at work. I figure that way, if they cause explosive diarrhea or something, I’m not out running. I’m just…at work. Which is also not an awesome place to have diarrhea, explosive or otherwise.
Is there anyone out there having calm diarrhea? Is the explosive part really necessary? I think when someone tells me they have diarrhea, I A) assume it’s explosive and B) don’t really care about the level of force propelling the affair out into the world.
So far these bloks give me a stomach ache, but that’s about it. I don’t feel particularly energized. Maybe it’s because I’m doing them wrong. Maybe they’re supposed to be parachuted or rubbed on my gums or chopped up and snorted or something.
In fact, maybe I should just use cocaine.