Marathon Journey: Day 3

Today is a cross-training day.

I thought I’d be cute and say something about how Jesus was the original cross trainer. And then I googled it and it turns out this joke has been made already. Although maybe not as a joke so much as a serious. I’m calling the opposite of a joke a “serious” right now, and I don’t know if that’s right either. My confidence has been totally shaken.

Regardless, it’s very important that I do my cross training in order to maintain my (1 day of) fitness.

If I could choose anything, my cross-training of choice would be grip training. No, that doesn’t mean beating off. For future reference, I don’t do cute references to beating off. I won’t say that I’m doing “grip training” or something if I mean beating off.

I had this idea a couple years ago that maybe I could get my grip strong enough to tear a deck of cards in half. That seemed pretty cool. And possible? I didn’t know. What I did know is that I don’t like playing cards, so it would be pretty great to learn how to tear them in half. That way I could stop any card game, and perhaps whoever else was involved would be a little nervous in getting pissy about it. Sure, I could just not play cards. But cards are so stupid to me that it makes me angry that OTHER people like them.

I bought a bunch of decks in Vegas, and I figured the way to train was to tear increasing piles in half until I could do 52. I think I got up to 15 before I mostly gave up. But maybe it’s time to bring back my card-tearing for the sake of cross-training. After all, I’m “in training” right now. Any stupid shit is on the table.