Stupid Goodreads Quotes

Every time I log into the Goodreads app, I have to see an inspirational quote. It’s like working in an office and seeing one of those dumb posters with a picture of, I dunno, a whale breaching, and below it says, “Perseverance: never stop trying, you fucker.”

Let’s look at some.

Well, duh, Bill. But sometimes, the thing they know is whether that green piece of candy is lime or sour apple.

Stop fat shaming, Walt. Although “Multitudinous” would be a good name for a big and tall store.

The last dream I had was this bizarre thing I won’t describe beyond saying I was naked, my girlfriend was naked, and I was shielding her from public view with my naked body while she changed her tampon. THANK GOD I wasn’t too old for that one.

If you’d set that course before writing Inferno it would’ve saved me a lot of time and energy in 8th grade.

I crapped my pants the other day. Because I’ve recaptured my childhood, aka become a genius.

I bet you were really obnoxious at parties.

The only answer I found for Prince’s favorite book was Embraced By The Light, which is one of those memoirs where someone dies, comes back, and then they supposedly saw the afterlife.

Especially if it’s a book with a cutout and a handgun inside. It’s my hope to one day have a library where EVERY book has a cutout with something insane inside.

That’s what T.H. said after diving under a desk during a fire drill.

I respect an honest drunk.


Uh, haha, bad news for you Ovid. Bad news in terms of living in ancient times.