New Poolboy Service

Hi, I’m Pete, founder of Uggo Poolboys. 

Are you tired of leaving your spouse at home alone to look at an attractive poolboy? I know I am. Especially because our pool is a plastic one for children. I don’t think those need to be skimmed. 

If you’re like me, you’ll love my new business: Uggo Poolboys. Here’s how it works:

We hire a crew of poolboys who are then rated on an attractiveness scale of 1-10. You need a poolboy, and you send us your picture. We then match you with a poolboy who is at least 4 points lower than you on the attractiveness scale. 

I know what you’re thinking. This idea is hideous. 

Is it?

Because the way I see it, many jobs allow a person to trade on good looks. Why not create one that allows hardworking pool people to trade on being an ugmo? 

Just listen to these testimonials!

I used Uggo Poolboys, and not only do I feel more secure about myself, but my pool is cleaner than ever! -Jake (4/10)

As an Uggo Poolboy, I’m proud to make my addimetdly odd shape work for me! For once, I’m ugly, and I’m family! -Frank, (2/10)

But don’t take the word of those ugly idiots. Try it for yourself. We’ll match you with one of our Uggo Poolboys, you try them once, and if you’re unsatisfied, fuck you, dumpy. But hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.