A Great New Review Of My Work

I got on Amazon today, and I had a new book review! For Conntra: Wads of Power.

Here is the review preserved in its entirety:

wtf wtf wtf… if you are reading this comment, you are the most screwed up person ever… i cant beleive anyone would write such a useless piece of crap. i was looking to see if anyone preserved the nintendo power magazines… and this piece of excrement comes up. wts. screw the person who write this book… what the crap…

I have some notes.

  1. If you read that comment, you are the most screwed up person ever. I assume this person meant that to be addressed to me, the writer, but who can know for sure? Therefore, it’s like a curse passed on from one person to another. If you’re the last person to read it, you’re officially the most screwed up person ever until you can get someone else to read it. Be warned. After. After it happened. Be warned that you’re now fucked.
  2. Useless piece of crap!? I need to point out that this is not a verified purchase and does note appear to be a decision made by a purchaser. Yes, if you bought this book and read it, you would have every right to be angry because that book is total nonsense. But to be mad at its existence? That’s pushing it.
  3. You were looking on Amazon to see if anyone preserved Nintendo Power magazines? Interesting. Because when I searched for “Nintendo Power” on Amazon, I went through 10 pages of results without hitting my book, and I got bored and stopped looking. I think it’s time you admitted what you were really looking for.

But in all fairness, I have taken this critique to heart. And here is my response:

Based on what you’ve said, I can only assume you wanted me to include the Power Glove NES accessory as a masturbatory aid in this story.

It was a tough decision not to include it. And I’ll tell you, I ultimately arrived at it after a long, dark tea time of the soul. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I felt that though the original Worlds of Power books from Nintendo did play with the concept of the 4th wall, they didn’t usually break it. Therefore, it wasn’t right for me to break it either.

I hope that alleviates some of the disappointment, dear reviewer. In all fairness, I don’t feel that my book’s existence warrants a 1-star review. I gave it 2-stars myself, and I think that’s a very fair rating.